Happy Fathers’ Day

To be honest, I don’t know what kind of father Ebenezer was or could have been. Like many men of his generation, he saw himself as the breadwinner, the fiscal provider, and left the parenting to his spouse, my mother, Mary. He did so until the paychecks at the Pittsburgh Courier, his newspaper employer, started to bounce, and Parkinson’s disease rendered him unable to take a job elsewhere.

And while my father was at home all the time, he was not present, not emotionally. I don’t remember him doing much parenting. 

After my father died when I was 13, Uncle James, my mother’s brother, stepped in. Even from several states away in New Jersey, I appreciated his presence as a father figure. And that has been the model for our family over the past 60 years. 

The men in our family have wholeheartedly embraced their roles as fathers, whether they were married to their children’s mothers or not. Uncles, older cousins, and Godfathers have stepped into roles as father figures when the situations called for it. 

Kamaya, whose mother, my sister, Ellen-Marie, died when she also was 13 years old, said it best today in her Fathers’ Day message in our family chat. 

“I can’t believe our family ended up with so many incredible fathers. Watching the growth, sacrifice, patience, and unconditional love you all give your children has been such a blessing to witness. The guidance, hard work, and examples you set every day don’t go unnoticed.

Today, I hope each of you feels appreciated for all the big and small things you do that help shape your families. We’re lucky to have such strong, loving fathers in this family.

Kamaya wished a happy “Fathers’ Day in heaven” to her “Grampa Ray” and to Chano, my nephew, whose daughter, Nineeka, was just a toddler when he died.  

“Your legacy lives on in the children, grandchildren, GREAT grandchildren, and family you helped shape. We carry pieces of you with us every day, and your love continues to echo through generations.”

“We miss you both dearly, but I smile knowing Mom is up there surrounded by some of the very best,” Kamaya added.